Lately, I've been contemplating on my childhood and how I was exposed to depressed people who were "Giver-Uppers" . People who unconsciously hurt others on a normal basis, people who have given up on life, energy vampires, sucking other people's energies without helping themselves. I'm talking about people that have nothing going for them except, maybe, the same harmful patterns they're used to doing. Do you know what I mean?
At some point in their lives, they have told themselves that "this is it" for them. And even if they are given better tools, opportunities, advice and even God's divine intervention, they won't try to bring themselves up. I see this especially with men... Specifically older adult men. Idk why it is that they hold on to their egos and convince themselves that trying to do something different is "beneath" them, but it's a theme I see often.
My theory is older people are afraid to start from zero when in reality they are far wiser and are not truly starting from scratch. They have friends, family, a network, lots of knowledge and wisdom that they've earned throughout the years. Alas, they'd rather keep appearances (ironically, acting big most especially when they feel small) because they want people seeing them in a certain light and want to avoid having people talk about them differently if they did different things.
A person who cares way too much on external appearances are not in touch with their souls and the abundance of love and potential that their souls have to offer. They've tipped the scales and favor materialistic ideologies. Maybe they've tied their self-worth with their outward appearances? :(
I think older people are comfortable with not evolving because they latch on to familiarity. They may think that because they're older they are in their "final form" so they don't think they could evolve anymore. They think they are separated from the rest of the world and won't bother integrating themselves with the younger generations. They think that they are suffering alone and their pain doesn't affect others, so they think to themselves "People shouldn't interfere because this is MY choice and MY own suffering to deal with!" whilst interfering with other people's lives with their own projections. Life is truly ironic.
The truth? People are not blind to the sufferings of Giver-Uppers and have immense compassion for them. In reality, these Giver-Uppers can just go up to a friend and say... "hey, can you teach me?" "how did you do that?" "I want to know how to be open". Wow. The worlds that will open up for them if they simply asked, if they simply practiced, if they simply tried. I wish they were more open. But the painful reality is that their loved ones can only do so much with the helping and spoon-feeding.
Giver-Uppers have to give up on outdated and harmful beliefs so that they can bring anew. I can't think of any other way other than some sort of awakening within themselves, which they can have access to right now.
Maybe they're used to being spoiled and coddled and independence was not practiced enough. Learning to help themselves is a totally unchartered path. Maybe they see their peers have nicer things so they let insecurity take over or say to themselves, "I'll never have the things that they have, so why bother trying?" -- I personally hate this limiting belief and something I fall back to sometimes. (I'm also human with shadows and still learning to heal, okay?? Defensive?! HAHA)
I think a lot older people have experienced a lot of highs and milestones in their younger years that they feel they need to start where they left of which is absurd! I think a lot of older people produce off-springs and think they "own" their children, not even fully involved (or care for their uniqueness) in the upbringing of their kids, so they act surprise and entitled when their expectations don't meet reality. I think older people have a lot of health issues and aren't as strong as their younger-selves which all the more impedes them from trying.
If this is the mindset, they will never ever try. Never heal. It's an endless loop of wishing and never starting.
Disclaimer before I go on: These are just my thoughts from my experiences and I don't want to hear from people who have no nuance. Of course there are plenty of good older people out there. LOTS. Many more I think. And I have had the privilege to meet healthy, kinder, older folks. This is not about them. This is about the older Giver-Uppers.
The beginning of my life was extremely difficult, I had a painful childhood, so obviously, I wasn't able to develop as a well-balanced, self-regulated human being right away. At some point, I've become the things I hated the most. Despite being at my lowest, underneath the anguish, shame, and guilt, my inner knowing has always told me I AM powerful, I just need to be brave and try. I've held on to the voices of a good mentor, friends, and family members who truly saw the light in me and pointed the good things out. It also helps that I have a natural rebellion against authority figures~ and I've learned to embrace being "weird". I like being fully myself-which is a multifaceted, talented, fun, and loving woman. I love myself. Loving myself has unlocked skills, knowledge, wisdom, and better circumstances for myself. Being my "weird" self has attracted other people living their authentic lives and has even inspired others to finally embody their authentic selves, however that looks. I, by no means, have it all figured out but at least I know I'm better today and that I am not made to be alone even when I feel this way sometimes.
I'm talking about this because I see this often... Wherever I go and in my personal tarot readings with my clients. Children (actually adults) inheriting the voices and trauma of their parents instead of practicing their autonomy. They're so used to having conditional and contractual relationships with them. And how could they break free, when that's their biggest influence and programming for majority of their lives?
Honestly, I'm not talking about people who probably have never had a different thought-- stuck in the confines of their ideologies and bubble. I'm talking to an audience who have had visions, a concept of a Higher-Self, despite being around a Giver-Upper or even being a Giver-Upper themselves. I'm talking to people who have had a hunch that life can be different, can be beautiful, can be joyful. I wonder how many you are. I wonder if it's a few people only or it's every single person to ever live.
At some point, when children become older and become abled-bodied adults themselves, they can become fully themselves. That inner, intuitive, and dare-I-say, authoritative voice never quite goes away. It may be faint but when she whispers she's reminding the adult that they are allowed to be child-like, that they can still follow their hearts desire, that whatever they wish, the Universe will open up doors in unique ways if they just paid a little bit more attention to the present moment. [ALSO they won't allow to label it as being selfish! Like, come on. You're allowed to have good things] . That there is no promise of ease but a promise that it is worth the journey to try. And this faint voice is a little louder and emphasized when the adult can't sleep at night, or when they feel bothered when they are surrounded with people who are no longer in the same wavelength as them, when they see something joyful that sparks something inside them but are afraid to go for it.
It took the death of my father to realize this. But years after his death, I've realized, I never had to listen to his (or anyones) advices that stem from their fears and traumas. I've learned that so many of these fears are mere illusions. I had the space and silence to come this understanding. But so many adults still don't. And I truly feel sad for them because I know that they may never be able to escape from their own "matrix" AKA made-up rules and reality based from religious dogma, culture, family values.
And now, I'm practicing this even now, still, with my mother who has certain expectations of me that I really don't want to follow. I've cried many times over it because I'm scared to be rejected if and when I say no. But I need to stand up for myself so I don't end up being a Giver-Upper myself. I have to be conscious of my own boundaries and maintain it if I want to continue fulfilling an authentic life. I will serve people who are worthy of my service. I'm not sacrificing my authentic self. I did it for the first 26 years of my life (I am 30 years old in 2023). I was miserable living for others expectations. I had to pay for not empowering myself sooner.
But I've come to this: Being judged is a small price to pay for living a joyful and fulfilled life. It's not always sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows, but I have something good to truly live for and I know these choices have been difficult but worth it.
Something I often tell myself when I start feeling anxiety especially when I feel pressured to perform just for others (especially the Giver-Uppers) is this...
"I am living for myself. They are NOT in a relationship with my values, advocacy, work, partner, and friends. I AM. They will NOT be in a relationship with them when they die. I AM and I WILL BE. People are good-natured and wish the best for me so they may be projecting. They have their own version of joy and happiness compared to mine. That's okay, let them be. Maybe their advice is useful information, maybe it's not. I am open to hearing them but I will ultimately discern what's best for me."
I hope to go back to this message if Im ever led astray.
Blessings and miracles to whoever is reading this.
Love,
Lois
Light Doll / Millennial Manghuhula
@lightdollreadings on Instagram
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